It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize