There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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