You work out of a Hotel?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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