I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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