It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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