Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
i think i just lost a toe
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
