Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
