I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
