i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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