I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
