we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
