Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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