we're blogging at a bar
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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