She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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