But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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