I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
