One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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