Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
