just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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