the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
