I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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