Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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