I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
