I heard we made out
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
