I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
