I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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