Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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