It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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