It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
This is my life. Enjoy the view
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
