Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
