I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Sorry my hands just texted you
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize