By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
