weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
