Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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