Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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