And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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