just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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