yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
