i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
