i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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