he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
