I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
