I understand Curling. That high.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
