Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
