A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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