It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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