dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
