they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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