What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize