I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
