im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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