I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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