Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
