you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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