the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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