Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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