I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
4 words: hood of his car
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
