my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
