I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
