Moan for me like Helen Keller
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Randomize
