we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
