Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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