I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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