just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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