I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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