Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
