I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
