Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
