Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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