cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
