she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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