the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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